Movie: Hannah Montana-The MovieMPAA Rating: G
Running Time: 1 hour and 42 minutes
Stars: Miley Cyrus, Billy Ray Cyrus, Emily Osment, Vanessa Williams
Director: Peter Chelsom
Writer: Daniel Berendsen
Have you ever wondered what staring death in the face looks like? Or what a celluloid abortion might be? Look no further than this abhorrent excuse for a feature film. There are no words in any dictionary or thesaurus to explain how bad this movie is. Not even comparing it to another bad film, because that would only end up shaming that film. Prior to seeing this bastardization of cinema, I knew little to nothing about "Hannah Montana" the TV show, other than she's a big hit with a lot of teen girls. I decided to give the film a shot, to see if perhaps I could riff the hell out of it, but wow, no amount of sarcastic or witty comments can save it from being the movie equivalent of a lifetime spent in Hell. The acting from 99.9% of the cast is atrocious, as is the piss-poor excuse for a screenplay. The music will make even the most trained in pop-music ears bleed for days. If you have a teenage daughter, a younger sister, a girlfriend or God-forbid, a wife, who wants to see this movie...save yourself the 102 minutes of horror and enter a mental institution because you'll want to check yourself in after seeing this. I weep for the future.
Simply put, this rates no more than 0 out of 5 stars.
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